slow suicide

2003-05-29T03:13:00.000-07:00

um.. today i hung out with jake and went to pcx and came home with no bed and the couch i normally sleep on is occupied, great. its 3am and i ask my dad where am i supposed to sleep and he said i could set up my bed.. set up my bed with no sheets with a room with no wall and so i can take it apart the very next day.. i think they are slowly trying to get me to leave. well whatever. i bought a lot more alcohol also.. woo..

|music|offspring - have you ever

2003-05-27T14:34:00.000-07:00

i try when you dont care
im here when your never there
you just have to open your eyes
Reality is that everything dies

ive been there before
not that you ever noticed
but i was

a fake smile
a brief conversation
leads to built up agrevation
youll slit my throat
ill let you wear my coat
it’s the relation we have
that we never had
and everytime you look at me it makes you mad
you will never know what you did to me
when you are everything that can set me free

every night
i can live a different life
so ill live in these dreams
nothing is real it seems
open the cookie read what it says
joy will come from an old friend
I wish I only knew
if i eat enough of these maybe one will come true

is this how i planned it
i dont think i have control over it
this is my skin ill shed
youll see everything inside is dead
I will live in this coma
And live to remember your aroma

If you could only look through these eyes
And maybe you will finally realize
What ive seen all these years
One day youll have to face your fears
Let me wipe away your tears
If youll only stay here tonight
we can sit on the moon
And watch the world from such great height

i miss you
when I was with you
I felt like i belong
and that’s why Im writing you this song
so maybe youll see
you mean everything to me

2003-05-21T12:08:00.000-07:00

have you ever had so much on your mind you dont even know where to start. thats kind of where i am right now. the new deftones album came out i downloaded the whole thing because im a cheap asshole but the cd is damn good you should get it. i really wish was alot easier because its never been harder than it is today. will it ever let up? probably not. maybe ill update more as more interesting events happen or think of something interesting.

|music| atmosphere - scapegoat

2003-05-19T15:06:00.000-07:00

i have come to the conclusion that my step mom is a bi-polar psyco bitch. all she does is bitch at me i mean my dad is chill about everything yet she bitches to him she bitches at me god. for example: last night at dinner they are sitting down eating and im putting stuff on my plate and my dad says "why dont sit down with us" so im like ok whatever and i continue to put my food together.. and like 2 seconds later my step mom "why dont you sit the fuck down your dad wants you to sit down" im just like eh.. im putting my food together. shell bitch everyday about how i dont do anything and im lazy blah blah fucking blah but when what the fuck does she do? she drinks everyday and will leave my baby sister in her room so she can sit on her computer like what the fuck bitch you have a family stop drinking. bitch ass alcoholic. she just hates my guts. something im used to but not really from my family. god i want her gone. ok and check this im goin to go clean the bathroom so i grab some towels.. and i can see she keeps looking at me to see what im doing from the other room.. so i grab the towels and proceed upstairs to be stopped "what the fuck are you doing these are kitchen towels dumbass use these over here" like who the fuck do you think you are.. we were a happy family with out your dumbass so get the fuck out...
agasfdlhsj

thats my rant about my step mom. i should just take a knife and stab her and then leave and come back and be like oh my what happend here then ill blame it on my real mom. (crime and punishment in suburbia)

|music| depeche mode - black celebration

2003-05-19T03:01:00.000-07:00

where do i start?

characters: mike (hes hairy)
nolan (talks alot)
travis (loser)

after buying some mexican food we walk to the local 7/11 and i send mike in to get some cups so i was in the midst of eating my burrito and drinking a can of dr.pepper and i am listening to nolan " lift lever to sound an alarm of death and confusion" i didnt think anything of it until sirens are going off and lights are flashing everywhere. theres a short pause and nolan decides we should run and leave mike in the store.. so i run after him with a burrito and a dr.peper. we then walk to the in n out and mike shortly rejoins us. so we are sitting and eating talking about what had just happend laughing to be blinded by a group of teenage boys streaking in black thongs through the in n out drive thru that alone was one of the single greatest moments in my life.. i really just wanted to trip them. so we end up back at my house trying to decide what we are goin to do. well mike and nolans friends are pricks and were pissing me off and we will leave it at that.. except for eric hes cool. so i go home i figure my night is over until i talk to mike again online hes at erics house and its just eric mike and nolan there (im a little drunk by this time) so eric comes over in his rv to pick me up.. the time we had in the rv was nothing short of amazing.. i cant say everything that went on bc it would take forever but all i have to say is (macho man randy savage) the people there will know. so we get to erics house and continue to drink in to oblivion. we are all pretty drunk by this time.. so we wake up grandpa.. let me tell you about grandpa.. hes erics grandpa and he is the single coolest person in the world. hes very very old and he just wants to smoke drink and look at some young girls ass. hes an inpiration to us all. then we start debating.. and debating mostly about life. and then me and nolan burn ourselfs.. and i put my cigarett out on his arm. mike tells me to punch him in the face.. so i do so. so mikes barfing and we get tired and eventually pass out.. those damn pills nolan gave me probably helped. i wake up and realize i dont have my wallet.. fucking great in my drunk greatness ive lost my wallet FUCK. oh well i am not my material belongings or something. so i do one thing on sunday.. i lay in my bed alll day.. i am beat to shit but i had alot of fun. i think my burn mark is getting infected.. woohoo.

since we were all drunk we all have different perspectives so to get the different version of the story look for mikes and nolans blogs as well.

|music| weezer - say it aint so

2003-05-17T15:54:00.000-07:00

http://maddox.xmission.com

this site is great.

2003-05-17T01:35:00.000-07:00

well last night was quite the adventure went to a party but the grandparents beat children with their canes so we left. then proceeded to Filiburtos a local mexican food place where everyone from the party went and hung out there for awhile. got to see a fight that always livens up. then the cops showed up and everyone left. so shortly after we arrive at Tonys place.. this is where it gets good. we are all hanging out i finish my bottle of jack daniels so im pretty wasted so my memory might be a little off.. me and cory get some of tonys beebee guns and start unloading on everyone which was fun.. but in my drunk state i lost the gun and they start firing on me.. hmm then tony kicked my ass and i rolled down a hill and landed on asphalt that was fun. then i think tonys mom came home at this time so we ran out the back door and i tried to hop over a chain link fence and fell flat bottom and also hit adidomes head while swinging my foot over (sorry dood) so we are running well im running in the dark lost in some part of vista i dont know much about.. just imagine alot of houses and alot of streets going everywhere and i end up in some ally with dogs chasing me but then adidome found me. so at this point i think we are leaving so i go to get into corys car thats parked infront of tonys house and then tonys mom comes out and starts talking to me and i was freaking out bc everyone was still a while behind me.. but then she invites me in so its all good. she was wasted too which is coo. so once again we are hanging out at tonys. did i mention im also blind at this point bc sometime either during being shot by beebees or eating shit i lost my contacts so i cant see anything. anyways cory tells me to walk home and being drunk i was like alright i dont fucking care so i start trying to find my way though this neighbor hood lost and bleeding but cory finds me and takes me home.

the end

for as much pain as indured last night i had the time of my life.

BEFORE

AFTER

|music| dillinger escape plan - destro's secret

2003-05-15T20:34:00.000-07:00

http://www.mikedingleyjones.btinternet.co.uk/the.matrix.revolutions.mpg here is a link to the new matrix|revolutions trailer something im sure most of you have never even seen. i went to see reloaded the first day it was out and i thought it was damn good i dont know why people keep putting the movie down, i guess they just dont understand the story or realize theres one more movie coming out. either way i enjoyed it greatly.

the asthma will strangle you
your eyes are barely awake
old eyes fixated on something new
drink from the poluted lake
let the disease take you over
take you over

alseep with decayed corpses
the smell of dried blood
from the night before
just another fight
over a stupid whore
force the poison down
let it take you over
take you over

weak wrists
cant take the weight
close your eyes
and hold your breath
before its too late
pain will take you over
take you over

|music| the matrix|reloaded soundtrack

2003-05-15T07:01:00.000-07:00

it is 7am. and ive woken up and started drinking my only friend mr. jim beam.

here are some star wars legos gettin it on

well im going to go die now

|music| the cure - just like heaven

2003-05-15T00:04:00.000-07:00

haha here i am again wastedv off nmysass. tonight i told a girl that i liked her and she said i was pathetic isnt that greeeat. so ill continue to end my ptathetic life becase no one wants to dat ea pathetic bastardatd like myself i mean look at me.. haghgad. i keep trying to kill myself but nothing selems tho owrk. if she only lknew .. bu thse dosnt so .. wherer to go from hear... i just want to die and left alone.. i dont have a heart anymore.drink myself to an early graebv.

|musicP{ as i lay dying - 94 horus

2003-05-14T01:54:00.000-07:00

if you noticed my comments are a little different and actually match my page. you can thank the gypsy also known as mike for that one. john came down tonight we had a bball game under the street light, i won 22 - 12 which makes the series 1 to 1 then we went to wal-mart and starbucks woopdy doo. i also quit smoking today ill keep you updated on how long that lasts for. i also bought my advance tickets to go see matrix reloaded on thursday at 12.25 in san marcos, i bet your jealous. i have no life and nothing to do so i decided to take a bunch of stupid pictures...

my dvd's and my book's.. you can also see my dead plant as a reminder.

whos a baller? thats right the white boy.

you may be wondering why i am missing a wall.. well they are expanding on my house so now bugs and woodlland creatures come to sleep with me at night.

damn no more pills

i found my flask and it still had some bacardi in it..

and this is what happens when your hyped up on pills and liquor.. i have nothing more to say about this picture.

the end

|music| the velvet teen - caspian can wait

2003-05-13T00:00:00.000-07:00

im drunk som im goin to spost alot of nonsnens so its like code you ll have to decifer. first of all fuck you yes fuck you travis who the fuck are you you are nobody and youshould just nedn your sufferning because you have no reasn to still bealive. your alone and a heartleass bastard. no ne even cares about you. youll bealnone the rest of your life.wtf are yous till doing here. no one likes you.why are you evne typeing you dumbass. what ard you doin with yoru lese nothin. drink until you cant feelh. no one cares enough to save you dumb ass. no one even cars about you. dumbb mother fucker.

ffdlfjslhjahdln ffjdafjd fjdl fjdl this what ti looks like when you smash yoyr ehad into the keyboard

msuci - my own pulse

2003-05-12T21:47:00.000-07:00

i just bought 2 movies today.. "leaving las vegas" and "lock stock and two smoking barrels" both were good just a few more movies to add to my collection. leaving las vegas makes want to become a raging drunk in order to kill myself and find a hooker to love me as much as she did in that movie. on another note id like to thank a special someone out there and she knows who she is for reminding me how pointless my life really is and the heart that has shriveled up and died along with everything else.. i told her i dont want to talk about that and that she did talk about and after all this time when i actually started to get better swung me around and through me right back where i started. thanks. is death the only escape.. ive found the only friend i need and he lies at the bottom of a bottle whoopdy fuckin doo.

leave me alone.

|music| gary numan - walking with shadows

2003-05-08T16:12:00.000-07:00

one more robot learns to be.. something more than a machine

im on a new diet.. it consists of only eating pop-tarts i think ive killed a couple boxes in the past few days(cherry) ive also recently picked up on basketball once again.. i figure its good to escape the confines of my room.. so if you wanna get a game goin let me know.

|music| mewithoutyou - silencer
flaming lips - do you realize

2003-05-06T12:10:00.000-07:00

i was listening to this song and it rememinded me of someone i used to know.. "and you will know us by the trail of dead - mistakes and regrets" so here are the lyrics:

If I could make a list
Of my mistakes and regrets
I'd put your name on top
And every line after it

Because every inch of hope
Becomes a world of shame
I've had to walk through
Each and every day

And if I screamed "you were wrong"
At the top of my lungs
It would never return
All the faith that I've lost

Because there is nothing left to say
That has not been said
If I shouted, you wouldn't listen
I dought it'd even sink in

If you forget how to feel
Reach inside your chest
Is there a heart beating?
Is there just emptiness?

2003-05-05T23:20:00.000-07:00

i dont think i left my room today.. slept a lot, watched a whole lot of TV, i think i left to get a quesadilla at one point but other than that i didnt leave my room. i had a lot of chances to leave.. could have went to the computer arcade or jacob cinco de mayo fiesta but i didnt really feel like doing anything. i dont know whats wrong with me. i hate my life. i should say i hate myself a lot more. this is my life. someone please put a gun to my head and paint the walls with my brain.

|music| the smiths - how soon is now

2003-05-04T22:46:00.000-07:00

i went to see x2 with nolan and mike today. the movie was pretty good the new characters were pretty awesome. its fun to hang out with those 2 just because its not just seeing a movie anymore its an event with those guys, i had fun.

we will always be alone. we were brought in to this world alone and we will one day leave this world alone. so why force something that was never ment to be why be with anyone. all that will come of it is pain. save yourself the trouble. a heart cold and bitter will never love again.

in this country there is no such thing as freedom.. we are not free. we are only given privilages.

|music| dandy warhols - sleep

2003-05-03T13:18:00.000-07:00

you should listen to modest mouse.

2003-05-03T03:22:00.000-07:00

i know now why it is so hard for me to fall asleep late at night and why it is so hard for me to wake up once i am asleep. its like when your a little kid and you never want to go to sleep when it is your bed time because your afraid your goin to miss out on something. afraid something in life just might pass you up if you let it its the same problem i have. i have always come to believe that i have been just wasting my life away all this time, that has always what i have been told. being out of school ive had no real purpose in my life anymore, no real direction, always trying live a life someone is living or has already lived in a life time before my own. in this time though i have been able to figure out what it is about.. what everything is about. im lucky enough to have parents that would let me have this time to waste. not that i really think its a waste although my parents would disagree. when your finally asleep its all a dream... its ever aspect of what a dream is that you get lost in. the fact that nothing is real and everything is pefect, everything that defines a dream and even when you have that dream when your falling and theres nothing to stop you as soon as you wake up you have nothing to worry about. everyone is afraid of what they dont understand so they make excuses or criticise. late at night and you walk out side there are no cars driving by no people trying to do one thing or another.. just the trees moving in the wind, its the silence i find most comforting. so maybe instead of wasting this time ive been given is to not really be wasted in pool of depression, guilt, and sorrow but to embrase it and make sense of this world. the realization that most of this world is a cold and ugly place. yet late at night when everyone goes away is when its at its most peacefull time and when your dreaming your life is nothing more than memory. i do not know what im going to do tomorrow nor the rest of my life and that is what scares me the most. this will have no conclusion this will have no ending this is only the begining and the conclusion will one day write itself whether it be death or life that one day becomes something. so many things that matter in this world in reality dont matter at all. these are our expectations. we are always told to have a large picture of what we want to do.. go to school, then college, then get a job, then die. i believe it should be the other way around. live everyday to the fullest instead of having everyday just be a time filler till you get to your next goal in life. so you can be anything you want and still be dissapointed, am i right? because youll realize you let your life fly by and would you rather be happy to know you had lived your life to the fullest your that you have a nice job? i dont know what i am doing tomorrow, i dont even know what im doing in 10 years... and thats ok. everything will fall into place.

2003-04-23T13:58:00.000-07:00

went to see "the faint" last night at the scene. it was a great show. i greatly enjoyed it except for the fact that i was so fucking sick. oh well it was worth it. if you missed the show sucks for you because it was probably one of my favorite shows ive been too.

music: the faint - agenda suicide

2003-04-21T18:22:00.000-07:00

i will let you down
i will make you hurt
i am nothing
i dont belong here
i want to die
i cant stay here
i have to leave
i hate everything
i am dislike
i want it all to go away
i cant do this
i am going to have to end this now

music: nin - hurt

2003-04-19T03:01:00.000-07:00

some LTC(lifted truck crew) bitch tried to start shit with me tonight, thank goodness from friends haha. i dont understand why people arent more chill its like everyone has something to proove an image to uphold or some shit. god damn. this is a drunkin ramble by the way just so you know. ahhhhh some one save me , take me away from everything. ill just have to save myself. ;x

music: johnny cash - hurt

2003-04-18T19:38:00.000-07:00

nekkid oh3: whats yours travis?
death 0n impact: whats my what?
nekkid oh3: burial
death 0n impact: you know how some people are burned or barried id want them to send my body into space and i can just orbit the earth and shit and like if my family wants to see me they just take out the telescope and are like theres grandpa.. as i float around.
nekkid oh3: HAHAHAH
nekkid oh3 direct connection is closed.
death 0n impact: i bet i could get some money if i wore a mcdonalds shirt or something
nekkid oh3: floated around in a sony casket
nekkid oh3: but um won't you be dead?
death 0n impact: its better then having no money at all.. then bums wont have an excuse to be poor because people will be like that dead guy makes more money than you
nekkid oh3: space pirates will mug you
death 0n impact: thats true.. i did to build a cannon strong enough to shoot my ass up there
death 0n impact: need
nekkid oh3: get paid in advance
death 0n impact: oh ya huh
death 0n impact: im sure they will just want to use a billboard but a dead mans body just gets more publicity
nekkid oh3: huge billboards cause titlewaves
nekkid oh3: people will spent hour looking for your dead body
nekkid oh3: then when they find you they'll want mcdonalds
death 0n impact: exactly
death 0n impact: why let my body go to waste.. ther is no air in space so im sure ill be preserved pretty good
nekkid oh3: and it's cold you'll be a grandpopsickle
death 0n impact: ya im goin to poke holes in the space station when i run in to it so they put oven mits and little rockets on me
nekkid oh3: people would copy your idea, and you would still be the original dead guy in space
nekkid oh3: hahhaa
death 0n impact: ya but they will spatoge me and have me plumet to earth
death 0n impact: so with my money i make im goin to have an electric fence around me
nekkid oh3: and ear muffs
death 0n impact: the fence will also protect from people trying to eat me
nekkid oh3: get a lazer gun mounted on your ear muffs to shoto down missles
nekkid oh3: like space zombies
death 0n impact: ya
death 0n impact: ill strap it to my penis
death 0n impact: i have more mobility with my penis
nekkid oh3: cause on 007 moonraker that jaws guy was floating through space. and after see that was like 67... alot of years later, he'll be really hungry
death 0n impact: ya dood
death 0n impact: and there will me so much trash and chemeicals in space one day ill mix with some of that shit and ill become all strong and alive again and shit
nekkid oh3: theres radiation too
nekkid oh3: no atmposhpere
death 0n impact: ya
death 0n impact: like fantastic four
nekkid oh3: well 5 now
nekkid oh3: they'll call you captian lazer dick
death 0n impact: ya they had a baby or whatever.. ya and ill already have my costume with my M on my shirt and ear muffs and oven mits
nekkid oh3: M?
death 0n impact: mcdonalds.. the arches dood .. keep up
nekkid oh3: HAHHA
nekkid oh3: you could redefine hitting on space pirate chicks
nekkid oh3: by lighting there cigs with your lazer
death 0n impact: ya but like when i get too excited when i fuck them.. then i just blow their head off

2003-04-18T18:29:00.000-07:00

no one wants to be your friend
your life is not your own
i just want it all to end
so please just leave me alone

2003-04-17T14:51:00.000-07:00

i just love this image so i decided to post it.

music: NIN - where is everybody

2003-04-17T03:59:00.000-07:00

is this all life has to offer? is this as good as it gets?

life is but a dream..

music: the cure - just like heaven

"Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it and I promise you
I promise that I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you?
That I'm in love with you?"

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream...

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone
Alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven

2003-04-16T03:12:00.000-07:00

i still recall the taste of your tears
echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
my favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
scraping through my head till i don't want to sleep anymore

you always were the one to show me how
back then i couldn't do the things that i can do now
this thing is slowly taking me apart
grey would be the color if i had a heart

in this place it seems like such a shame
though it all looks different now, i now it's still the same
everywhere i look you're all i see
just a fading fucking reminder of who i used to be

you make this all go away
i'm down to just one thing and i'm starting to scare myself
i just want something i can never have

so impressed with all you do
tried so hard to be like you
flew too high and burnt the wing
lost my faith in everything

lick around divine debris
taste the wealth of hate in me
shedding skin succumb defeat
this machine is obsolete

made the choice to go away
drink the fountain of decay
tear a hole exquisite red
fuck the rest and stab it dead

broken bruised forgotten sore
too fucked up to care anymore
poisoned to my rotten core
too fucked up to care anymore

I'd like to stay
but every day
everything pushes me further away
if you could show
help me to know
how it's supposed to be
where did it go?

music: nine inch nails

2003-04-15T03:15:00.000-07:00

i thought the united states was a free country? how are you going to take off and ban artists with anti war statements which in return scares everyone else to say anything from fear of being shuned by everyone else. how are you going to take off a music video that is anti war just because the u.s. army is a large investor. it really makes you think who is running things. free speech? its like everyone is so scared to have their own opinion.

music:
nine inch nails - hurt
nine inch nails - something i can never have

2003-04-11T02:11:00.000-07:00

when you never sleep you get used to the idea of info-mercials. they have this one bed that "molds to the conture of your body" and uses material made by nasa and i continue to see this same product over and over and i cant help but think that its nothing more than a large piece of foam. it might have been infended by nasa in the 40's but i mean how is anyone going to buy this crap. why is it that in the commercials there are never any sheets or pillows with this bed, do you not need them with this bed?
(special thanx to nolan for this one)

music:
modest mouse - doin' the cockroach
"i was in heaven, i was in hell, believe in niether but fear them as well"

2003-04-08T02:56:00.000-07:00

when you are trying to find a reason to be alive, a place where you belong you start to realize a lot of things that other people couldnt come to the same conclusion just because they are so insecure, too many rules they have to follow, too much hope. "losing all hope is freedom".

why do you think people believe in god? because they want to. its not easy living in an ugly currupt world. there is no certainty nothing to hope for. see god didnt create humans, humans created god. do you want to know the greatest and worse thing ever created by humans? television, it controls people by bombarding them with information till they loose their sense of reality. now television it self has become its own religion. something to give people hope and something to believe in by controlling them with little dots of light.

humans fall victim to vanity and curruption, thus man will be the architect of his own demise.

but then where do you go? what do you do? when you cant find that reason, that reason to continue. the truth is no one has a reason to be alive. we are all decaying organisms. whats the point of making money when it doesnt mean anything once your dead? these questions plague my thoughts on a daily basis. when i try to explain my thoughts to others they either disagree or try to make me see from their point of view try to force their ideas/beliefes upon me in reality i want someone with all the keys. bottom line i am sick of this world every last piece of it and if there ever was something pure and good about this world its been tainted by the hand of man. i want to leave this place i dont belong here.

dont save me. just pull the trigger. being alone. my own blood is the only thing that keeps you warm at night. sleep ive found to be my only sancuary in dreams where everything is perfect, away from a cold world of reality. i never want to wake up again.

music: beethoven
'notice the time i wrote this'

2003-04-06T20:17:00.000-07:00

chocolate bunny

2003-04-06T19:24:00.000-07:00

recent events of an uneventful life -
- got really stoned and drunk last night.. dont remember too much but i think i watched jackass 18x's
-i slept alot today because i got home at 5am, damn daylight savings fucked me up.
-started to read invisible monsters by chuck palahniuk. starts out very weird, but i picked up this quote:

"no matter how much you think you love somebody, you'll step back when the pool of their blood edges up too close."

music: the postal service
quote of the day:"he has lost everything and everyone he has ever come to love, everything he has ever worked for, all his external rules are gone. Yet he begins to realize now anything is possible."

2003-04-05T20:01:00.000-08:00

put a gun to my head and paint the walls with my brains
the soft scratches on your veins
you know all the punk trends
you dess like all your friends
tell everyone your lies
the ones where ever one cries
you like to come off as a freak
execpt the girl that believes everything you speak
eyeliner runs down your face
youve missed gods good grace
poppy crap is your station
your life will be your greatest creation

2003-04-02T10:53:00.000-08:00

i decided to make a poem..

kick the chair out from underneath
fall silently like an autumns leaf
you made sure you tied the knot
thought this would be more dramatic than being shot
youve thought out this moment out a million times
background music of nursery rhymes
you woke that morning knowing what you had to do
theyll find you there like mornings dew
everyday was harder than the last
you are nothing youve been surpased
suicide comforts you when your alone
its the first thought when you leave home
a young boys life has just begun
and all he wants is to undo whats just been done
your birth has come and gone
your death was on the break of dawn

2003-04-02T10:27:00.000-08:00

i feel like im a million miles from earth. everything seems out of reach. nothing matters when your floating in space i suppose all you have to look forward to is your death because that is all you really can do in space.
i cant sleep at night because i know ill never want to awake again. so afraid to finally fall asleep yet i never want to wake up. i hope i die in my sleep.

"grey would be the color if i had a heart"

music: skycamefalling - to forever embrace the sun

2003-02-04T21:17:00.000-08:00

nothing starts now